A Rather Famous Timeline

So I just found this on one of my other blogs and felt the need to re-post it here. Hope you can laugh a few times about this one.

Below is the much anticipated time line of American History, a Blue Collar Scholars production, with Heather Maas providing her famous note-taking skills so that the process could be captured for everyone. If there was anyway to get her to type it up I probably would have went for that, although I doubt such a way exists. Without further delay:

Blue Collar Scholars

in association with THE ESTEEMED DOCTOR SMITH

Present

A Time Line of The Country that Produced Chuck Norris but not Dolph Lundgren (The United States)

A Long Time Ago- Tribes from Asia cross over a glacial land bridge.

c.1000- Leif Erikson lands on the east coast, intending to start a colony, but Native Americans prevent this.

In General- A series of European explorers attempt to exploit America. Something about a Columbus guy.

-Puritans start a colony and ruin all of the fun.

-Several other European nations also start colonies. The English and French become the dominant powers on the continent, all the while development of the Native Americans is ignored setting a trend for future generations.

1754-1763- England and France fight a war for dominance of the continent.

-For a series of economic and political reasons, the English colonies choose to attempt to separate themselves from the power of the Crown.

1783-They succeed and independence is achieved.

1788- The U.S. Constitution is written.

1799- George Washington relinquishes power, much to the surprise of the rest of the world, setting the trend for two term presidencies.

1812-1814- The War of 1812.

1820's- Monroe Doctrine drafted and promptly ignored by the rest of the world. (See "Well its important to us!")

1860-The issues of slavery and states rights comes to a head; the writ of habeas corpus is suspended by Lincoln amid much controversy both then and now.

-Industrial Revolution

-Imperialism (under different name we can't remember), Teddy Roosevelt, Panama comes into existence so that we can build a canal.

1917-1918- WW1, Isolationism is Dead! (Seriously we were neutral the first three years, fricking Lusitania anyway!!)

-Prohibition and the realization of a mistake.

-The Great Depression.

1940-Chuck Norris is born.

1941-1945- WW2 drags us kicking and screaming out of the depression by giving our economy a kick in the pants.

-Cold War and Baby Boom both begin. Coincidence? We think not.

-McCarthyism (Need we say more?)

-Blacklisting

October 1962-Cuban Missile Crisis.

November 1963-Kennedy Assassination, Oliver Stone wets his pants.

-Civil Rights Movement

**Potentially Most Important Entry In This Time Line To Immediately Follow**

-Sexual Revolution makes it possible for us to have sex with whoever or whatever we want with no consequences except of course for the natural consequence that we couldn't get rid of like STD's, unwanted pregnancies, and emergence of the condom as the most popular method of birth control to not be used.

**The Potentially Most Important Entry In This Time Line Immediately preceeded this.**

-The War In Vietnam, once again Oliver Stone wets his pants.

-Richard Nixon?

-Reagan, Reagan, Reaganomics, Who was Jimmy Carter anyway?

-Star Wars (The Satellites, not the movies)

1983-Return of the Jedi released.

1988- Berlin Wall falls, liberal songwriters can now lament over its absence.

1991-First Gulf War.

1992- Election of Clinton.

-Bosnia, Lewinski, the definition of "is", and a bigger joke, the nomination of Ruth Bader-Ginsburg for the Supreme Court.

2000- Bush defeats living corpse for office-barely.

September 11, 2001- While one of the authors of this time line was sitting in Political Science class at the University of Louisville, Fundamentalist Islamic terrorist crash jumbo jets into the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and a random field in Pennsylvania. Mass panic and religious hysteria ensues, the rapture nearly occurs, Fred Phelps and Pat Robertson go away angry, but at least they went away for a while.

2006- In Prison Epistles class, the Blue Collar Scholars produce a historic time line with the intent of amusing themselves and making a random sex joke. Hilarity ensues.

So thats that, I hope you found it interesting, and if you didn't I don't care because I intend on writing history.

So that time line is almost a year old now. Good times.

GDSB!! FTRS!! WTF!!

I feel a little better already just after typing out that acronymified title. It's time for some complete honesty. Sometimes I hate myself. There is no easy way to say that, nothing that can soften the blow, I just plain hate myself sometimes. Nothing dramatic about it either. No matter what I do, no matter how well I try prepare myself for certain events in life, it doesn't matter. This is going to sound really snotty, but I am cursed with the ability to see the natural progression of things, especially social situations. Thus by this, I can see where things are going with various people. There are times that this ability can create a shadow on the horizon, because I just know something that I won't particularly appreciate is coming down the pipe. I have recently received some confirmation on two such events, one particularly unpleasant, and the other being something I just need to get the hell over.

This of course leads me to the statement, "I really hate myself sometimes." Why does my mind work a certain way? What the hell is God doing? Why did I have to learn something this way? Surely there is another way that I could have learned this lesson. All I can really come up with is, He has to be first. No compromises, nothing involving me. Its all his, and I need to learn it, and this was the way I had to learn it, I suppose because of the choices I have made in the past. But, I still really don't understand. I'm talking serious contemplation here, God made me this way, the way I construct things in my mind, the way that I believe certain things should happen, but when I follow these instincts I end up with some deep emotional scarring. I do not understand. I only wish to understand myself, I am confident in saying that I will never understand God, his ways are beyond my ways. For someone such as myself who is really only emotionally invested in a small group of people, it is really something when a particular incident gets me emotionally.

I don't hate my emotions, far from it. I recognize them as valuable, serving some purpose, but dammit. I don't remember EVER praying about something as much or as sincerely as this, and I am still unable to just get over the situation. I don't know if this happens to anybody else, but being the intensely logical person I am, when I arrive at a conclusion, I am generally quite set in that conclusion. I find it difficult to remove myself from that conclusion, no matter how logically I can make a case for the falsehood of said conclusion. By this point I have, if it involves a person, made some sort of emotional attachment to my conclusion. And no matter what, it seems that I cannot release that conclusion until I have created a huge mental problem that I then have to sort through in something like this.

I'm just so tired of this world. There is some great stuff here, but its all fleeting, and it just tires me completely to think about it. (Please note, I'm not suicidal or anything that severe, I'm just mostly pissed off at myself.) I feel like compared to other people I don't have much to complain about, but I'm just tired of it, and its only been twenty-three years. When I consider another fifty years here, I don't know if I can handle it. Maybe its penance, I don't know. There is so much I don't know, so much I want to know, so much I will learn, and yet so much I will never know. This particular problem is one that I have seen coming for almost six months, and despite my preparations, I still get blindsided. I don't understand why I can't just move on, and I am afraid that I am holding myself back. Maybe this particular deal will finally help me get over it.

No matter what I have, I bitch about what I don't have. Why can't I just get over it? That is the million dollar question at this point, and hopefully these events will bring some closure so that I can finally "get the hell over it."