Soliloquoy

Looking back I suppose that I needed this blog to voice some things. The part of the novel that I am now aware that I will never finish is particularly telling I think. I needed a way to vent some anger and I succeeded. As usual there are some certain uncertainties that I am still working through. I am once again entering one of those transitional periods in my life. Yet another opportunity to change the course of my life radically.

I never fail to amuse myself when I ask questions like "Where will I be in a year?" This is amusing to me because even if I have a plan, a shoulder shrug is the most honest answer. Is this a lack of direction? Desire? Neither I think. I think that I am merely unwilling to state my goals publicly because my luck is best described (by me) as being as bad as it can possibly be and still be funny. Thus stating goals will only ensure that I will look like an idiot. If I don't state them, then I will have the inner satisfaction of being the only one that knows that I am an idiot. Also I don't want to rule out anything.

As I approach my 25th year, I suppose it may be time to start thinking about a career. Mostly I don't want to. I'm afraid that I'll choose something that I hate. My jobs have tended to be in the bearable. I don't want a bearable career. I want an enjoyable career.

Too much to ask?